Bio

Like many large creatures, Same Sex Mary started as a small thing, and it only ate a boyfriend, a girlfriend and a handful of songs. It was cute. People liked it. But an electric guitar and an old Farfisa organ wasn’t enough to tame the beast. It got hungry. It needed more.

So while roaming the streets of downtown Las Vegas one night, Same Sex Mary found a barefoot guitarist with dancing fingers, and it gobbled him up (barefooted people can’t run very fast). But the guitarist’s hairy toes tickled on the way down and made Same Sex Mary thirsty.

Luckily, it soon found a circus freak proclaiming his love of beer, and it swallowed him whole, hoping he would be full of beer. Unfortunately he didn’t have much beer in his belly and his teeth were quite large making him hard to swallow, but he tasted good, nonetheless.

Same Sex Mary had heard somewhere that a good drummer goes best with a good bassist, so, the following night, as a popular bassist was arriving to a bar on his motorcycle, Same Sex Mary pounced again. The bassist never saw it coming, partially because there was no low-end rumble to alert him, and partially because his hair was in his eyes.

But after eating that bassist Same Sex Mary had grown too big and loud to go sneaking up on anyone. When it was coming down the street everyone knew about it, even the newspapers. So instead of musicians, it started cornering and swallowing whole rooms of people. Some called it rock ‘n’ roll … until they were in Same Sex Mary’s belly (then they just called it dark).

One day, it was looking for a comic book store and accidentally walked into a recording studio, where it crossed paths with the feared Same Sex Mary-eating tape machine. The fight lasted about a week, but when the dust and guitar strings settled, Same Sex Mary found itself consumed by the tape machine, who was now pregnant with a baby reel of magnetic recording tape.

Well, months passed, and the tape machine gave birth to a big fat vinyl record. If Same Sex Mary were an indie rock band from Nevada and not a mythical creature, it would probably tell you the record was named “Sex Cells” and their friend who wrote their bio was on drugs.

However, that’s not the case, because Same Sex Mary is only as real as you believe it to be.